Mixed feeling

Browsed the updates of friends on Facebook and found their photos. The feeling was ... complicated.

Happy to see my friends had a great day, smile brightly in front of the camera. And ... jealous to see they were happy, smiling brightly in front of the camera.

Why? This is the question I always ask myself lately. When everybody's enjoyinig themselves, I'm stay at home, doing ... just nothing. My "religious" friend would tell me, this is my "mission". But ... why is this "mission" assigned to me but not my brothers and sisters-in-law? Why I cannot put down everything and do something that I really want to? Why? Why? Why?

I'm so tired ... so tired ...